Ramblings

I just want a baby...is that too much to ask for?? Today marks 9 months from when we started to try, we were supposed to be getting ready to have a baby at this point, but in reality we aren't even pregnant, STILL. It truely is getting to be very frustrating...Trying to decide when to go in for tests, if we should even go in, maybe just one more month and it will happen, are we jumping the gun too soon, should we wait a few more months before doing anything, is this even really going to happen for us, are we wasting our time..SO many unanswered questions. And in the mean time, it feels so so so lonely. I know no one who is going through this so I feel as if I have no one to talk to, I honestly don't even know if Jason truely understands what it is like each month to know that once again I am not pregnant. Our families don't "get it" either, people don't understand that it isn't just as easy as "just get pregnant already" ha! I wish it was, TRUST ME! It's not like we haven't been trying! I keep questioning, why does it have to be us? Why can't just ONE thing come easy for us?? Don't get me wrong, I know it is all part of His plan but it is so frustrating at times....

In other news, it is now hunting season, so I am husbandless each and every weekend! YAY...not. I love that Jason loves to hunt, I love that he even lets me tag alongside him sometimes, I love how proud I am of him when he kills something, but with my new work schedule it is kind of annoying. I work Sunday-Thursday, so my weekends are Friday and Saturday. I also work until 7 pm each night, so when I get home it is already dinner time and then soon after, bedtime. Jason hunts on his family's land which is about 3 hours away, so when he goes hunting he goes for the weekend, leaves Friday after he gets off work and comes home Sunday evening. Which means that I am home all weekend by myself. It can get kind of lonely..I would normally just go down with him but being that I work Sunday's now, that isn't an option anymore. Plus each time I go down it is always "how come you aren't pregnant yet?!" and that really isn't fun to deal with.

But this weekend is Craft Fair weekend here in NWA so that will give me something to do and hopefully I can get started on some Christmas shopping, although I would love the idea of not buying presents for anyone but instead adopt angels from the Angel Tree, and saving the rest of what would normally be spent on Christmas presents to pay for testing, we will see!