Trying times

These last few months, we have been faced with some "trying times." I am going to use this space as a journal, so what I write will be personal, will be what I am feeling, and what is my reality. I know probably 2 people may read this, and I am okay with that, I just needed an outlet and maybe those two people that may come across this may offer some prayers. Very few people know this, but Jason and I have been trying to get pregnant since the middle of January. We were still just into being married 6 months, I was still in school full time and working crazy hours. I was on the pill for about seven years so I didn't think it would happen right away, and we weren't expecting it to. We weren't timing anything but we weren't "not" trying. So months went by and it was still a little disappointing because nothing was "happening," every 4 weeks I would get my little reminder that I wasn't expecting yet, but each month it got a little bit more alarming, like something just wasn't right. So 7 months of trying and still nothing, I go in for my yearly doctor appointment. My doctor seems alarmed that nothing has happened, says birth control shouldn't cause this kind of problem and recommends we do some further testing. His nurse suggests I do ovulation predictor kits to see if I am ovulating earlier or later than what is "normal," they recommened Jason go in for testing and that I go in for an x-ray testing to see if my tubes are blocked. Only problem is, these are not covered by insurance. These two tests would be about $1,000. Well, considering I just got a full time job and we live off of Jason's income, I don't feel comfortable spending that extra money RIGHT now. If we still aren't pregnant by the beginning of November we will go in for further testing. I know we are still young, we could still be considered newlyweds, I just got a full time job and it may be better to just wait for kids, I know these things, but I long for a baby. From the time I was probably 5 years old, I could not wait to become a mom, to carry a baby for 9 months, to create something so special with my husband. Each month it breaks my heart a little more to think that something just isn't right and I may not be able to do these things I have wanted my whole life. It breaks my heart for Jason that I may not be able to give him a child, something that every woman is supposed to be able to do. In my line of work I see people who are so unfit to be parents, heck you can see that with a trip to Wal-Mart, and it just hurts. I work with people who are drug addicts, alcoholics, criminals, neglect their children, abuse their children, who are just BAD people and I can't help but wonder "why us?" We have so much to offer a child, we would be wonderful parents and give our child every thing that we could, we have so much love to give. How can "these" people get pregnant so easily?? It just seems so unfair. So that's where we are, just waiting each month and praying, hoping, BEGGING for something to happen naturally.